5 All love, whether that which is called carnal, which is wont to be called not “dilectio” but “amor:” (for the word “dilectio” is wont to be used of better objects, and to be understood of better objects:) yet all love, dear brethren, has in it a wishing well to those who are loved. For we ought not so to love, nor are we able so to love, (whether “diligere” or “amare:” for this latter word the Lord used when He said, “Petra, amas me?”
“Peter, do you love me?”) we ought not so to love men, as we hear gluttons say, I love thrushes. Thou ask why he loves them? That he may kill, that he may consume. He says he loves, and to this end loves he them, that they may cease to be; to this end loves he them, that he may make away with them. And whatever we love in the way of food, to this end love we it, that it may be consumed and we recruited. Are men to be so loved as to be consumed? But there is a certain friendliness of well wishing, by which we desire at some time or other to do good to those whom we love.
How if there be no good that we can do? The benevolence, the wishing well, of itself suffices him that loves. For we ought not to wish men to be wretched, that we may be enabled to practise works of mercy. You give bread to the hungry: but better it were that none hungered, and you had none to give to. Thou clothest the naked: oh that all were clothed, and this need existed not! Thou buriest the dead: oh that it had come at last, that life where none shall die! Thou reconcilest the quarrelling: oh that it were here at last, that eternal peace of Jerusalem, where none shall disagree!
For all these are offices done to necessities. Take away the wretched; there will be an end to works of mercy. The works of mercy will be at an end: shall the ardor of charity be quenched? With a truer touch of love you love the happy man, to whom there is no good office you can do; purer will that love be, and far more unalloyed. For if you have done a kindness to the wretched, perchance you desire to lift up yourself over against him, and wishest him to be subject to you, who hast done the kindness to him. He was in need, you bestowed; you seem to yourself greater because you bestowed, than he upon whom it was bestowed. Wish him your equal, that you both may be under the One Lord, on whom nothing can be bestowed.
Source: Homilies on the First Epistle of John (New Advent)