Remember we these tears: thus let us bring up our daughters, thus our sons; weeping when we see them in evil. As many women as wish to be loved, let them remember Paul's tears, and groan: as many of you as are counted blest, as many as are in bridal chambers, as many as are in pleasure, remember these; as many as are in mourning, exchange tears for tears. He mourned not for the dead; but for those that were perishing while alive. Shall I tell of other tears? Timothy also wept; for he was this man's disciple; wherefore also when writing to him he said, “Remembering your tears, that I may be filled with joy.” Many weep even from pleasure. So it is also a matter of pleasure, and that of the utmost intensity. So the tears are not painful: yea, the tears that flow from such sorrow are even better far than those due to worldly pleasure. Hear the Prophet saying, “The Lord has heard the voice of my weeping, he has heard the voice of my supplication.” For where is the tear not useful? In prayers? In exhortations? We get them an ill name, by using them not to what they are given us for. When we entreat a sinning brother, we ought to weep, grieving and groaning; when we exhort any one, and he gives us no heed, but goes on perishing, we ought to weep. These are the tears of heavenly wisdom. When however one is in poverty, or bodily disease, or dead, not so; for these are not things worthy of tears.
As then we gain an ill name for laughter also, when we use it out of season; so too do we for tears, by having recourse to them unseasonably. For the virtue of each thing then discovers itself when it is brought to its own fitting work, but when to one that is alien, it does no longer so. For instance, wine is given for cheerfulness, not drunkenness, bread for nourishment, sexual intercourse for the procreation of children. As then these things have gained an ill name, so also have tears. Be there a law laid down, that they be used in prayers and exhortations only, and see how desirable a thing they will become. Nothing does so wipe out sins, as tears. Tears show even this bodily countenance beautiful; for they win the spectator to pity, they make it respected in our eyes. Nothing is sweeter than tearful eyes. For this is the noblest member we have, and the most beautiful, and the soul's own. And therefore we are so bowed therewith, as though we saw the soul itself lamenting.
I have not spoken these things without a reason; but in order that you may cease your attendance at weddings, at dancings, at Satanical performances. For see what the devil has invented. Since nature itself has withheld women from the stage, and the disgraceful things enacted there, he has introduced into the women's apartment the furniture of the theater, I mean, wanton men and harlots. This pestilence the custom of marriages has introduced, or rather, not of marriages, far be it, but of our own silliness. What is it you do, O man? Do you not know what you are at? Thou marriest a wife for chastity, and procreation of children; what then mean these harlots? That there may be, one answers, greater gladness. And yet is not this rather madness? Thou insultest your bride, you insult the women that are invited. For if they are delighted with such proceedings, the thing is an insult. If to see harlots acting indecorously confers any honor, wherefore do you not drag your bride also there, that she too may see? It is quite indecent and disgraceful to introduce into one's house lewd fellows and dancers, and all that Satanic pomp.
“Remember,” he says, “my bonds.” Marriage is a bond, a bond ordained of God, a harlot is a severing and a dissolving. It is permitted you to embellish marriage with other things, such as full tables, and apparel. I do not cut off these things, lest I should seem to be clownish to an extreme; and yet Rebecca was content with her veil only; still I do not cut them off. It is permitted you to embellish and set off marriage with apparel, with the presence of reverend men and reverend women. Why do you introduce those mockeries? why those monsters? Tell us what it is you hear from them? What? Do you blush to tell? Do you blush, and yet force them to do it? If it is honorable, wherefore do you not do it yourself as well? But if disgraceful, wherefore do you compel another? Everything should be full of chasteness, of gravity, of orderliness; but I see the reverse, people frisking like camels and mules. For the virgin, her chamber is the only befitting place. “But,” says one, “she is poor.” Because she is poor, she ought to be modest also; let her have her character in the place of a fortune. Has she no dowry to give with herself? Then why do you make her otherwise contemptible through her life and manners? I praise the custom, that virgins attend to do honor to their fellow; matrons attend to do honor to her who is made one of their order. Rightly has this been ordered. For these are two companies, one of virgins, the other of the married; the one are giving her up, the other receiving her. The bride is between them, neither virgin, nor wife, for she is coming forth from those, and entering into the fellowship of these. But those harlots, what mean they? They ought to hide their faces when marriage is celebrated; they ought to be dug into the earth, (for harlotry is the corruption of marriage,) but we introduce them at our marriages. And, when you are engaged in any work, you count it ill-omened to speak even a syllable of what is adverse to it; for instance, when you sow, when you draw off the wine from your vats, you would not, even if asked, utter a syllable about vinegar; but here, where the object is chasteness, introduce ye the vinegar? For such is an harlot. When you are preparing sweet ointment, you suffer nought ill-scented to be near. Marriage is a sweet ointment. Why then do you introduce the foul stench of the dunghill into the preparation of your ointment? What do you say? Shall the virgin dance, and yet feel no shame before her fellow? For she ought to have more gravity than the other; she has at least come forth from the [nurse's] arm, and not from the palæstra. For the virgin ought not to appear publicly at all at a marriage.
Do you see not how in kings' houses, the honored are within, about the king, the unhonored without? Do thou too be within about the bride. But remain in the house in chasteness, expose not your virginity. Either company is standing by, the one to show of what sort she is whom they are giving up, the other in order that they may guard her. Why do you disgrace the virgin estate? For if you are such as this, the same will the bridegroom suspect her to be. If you wish to have men in love with you, this is the part of saleswomen, green-grocers, and handicrafts-people. Is not this a shame? To act unseemly is a shame even though it be a king's daughter. For does her poverty stand in the way? Or her course of life? Even if a virgin be a slave, let her abide in modesty. “For in Christ Jesus there can be neither bond nor free.”
Source: Homilies on Colossians (New Advent)