For her passion allows her not to spare even her own mouth, but she looks to one single object, how she may wreak her vengeance on the other, even though she disgrace herself. And then after all these things forsooth, she will sit in state like any tyrant, and call her children, and summon her foolish husband, and treat him as a hangman. Ought these things to take place in the houses of Christians? “Aye” say ye, “but slaves are a troublesome, audacious, impudent, incorrigible race.” True, I know it myself, but there are other ways to keep them in order; by terrors, by threats, by words; which may both touch her more powerfully, and save you from disgrace. Thou who art a free woman hast uttered foul words, and do you not disgrace yourself more than her? Then if she shall have occasion to go out to the bath, there are bruises on her back when she is naked, and she carries about with her the marks of your cruelty. “But,” say ye, “the whole tribe of slaves is intolerable if it meet with indulgence.” True, I know it myself. But then, as I was saying, correct them in some other way, not by the scourge only, and by terror, but even by flattering them, and by acts of kindness. If she is a believer, she is your sister. Consider that you are her mistress, and that she ministers unto you. If she be intemperate, cut off the occasions of drunkenness; call your husband, and admonish her. Or do you not feel how disgraceful a thing it is for a woman to be beaten? They at least who have enacted ten thousand punishments for men,— the stake, and the rack,— will scarcely ever hang a woman, but limit men's anger to smiting her on the cheek; and so great respect have they observed towards the sex, that not even when there is absolute necessity have they often hung a woman, if she happen to be pregnant. For it is a disgrace for a man to strike a woman; and if for a man, much more for one of her own sex. It is moreover by these things that women become odious to their husbands. “What then,” ye may say, “if she shall act the harlot?” Marry her to a husband; cut off the occasions of fornication, suffer her not to be too high fed. “What then, if she shall steal?” Take care of her, and watch her.— “Extravagant!” you will say; “What, am I to be her keeper? How absurd!” And why, I pray, are you not to be her keeper? Has she not the same kind of soul as thou? Has she not been vouchsafed the same privileges by God? Does she not partake of the same table? Does she not share with you the same high birth? “But what then,” you will say, “if she shall be a railer, or a gossip, or a drunkard?” Yet, how many free women are such? Now, with all the failings of women God has charged men to bear: only, He says, let not a woman be an harlot, but every other failing besides bear with. Yea, be she drunkard, or railer, or gossip, or evil-eyed, or extravagant, and a squanderer of your substance, you have her for the partner of your life. Train and restrain her. Necessity is upon you. It is for this you are the head. Regulate her therefore, do your own part. Yea, and if she remain incorrigible, yea, though she steal, take care of your goods, and do not punish her so much. If she be a gossip, silence her. This is the very highest philosophy.
Now, however, some have come to such a height of indecency as to uncover the head, and to drag their maid-servants by the hair.— Why do ye all blush? I am not addressing myself to all, but to those who are carried away into such brutal conduct. Paul says, “Let not a woman be uncovered.” And do you then entirely strip off her headdress? Do you see how you are doing outrage to yourself? If indeed she makes her appearance to you with her head bare, you call it an insult. And do you say that there is nothing shocking when you bare it yourself? Then you will say, “What if she be not corrected?” Chasten her then with the rod and with stripes. And yet how many failings have you also yourself, and yet you are not corrected! These things I am saying not for their sakes, but for the sake of you free-women, that you do nothing so unworthy, nothing to disgrace you, that you do yourselves no wrong. If you will learn this lesson in your household in dealing with your maid-servant, and not be harsh but gentle and forbearing, much more will you be so in your behavior to your husband. For she who, though having authority, does nothing of the sort, will do it much less where there is a check. So that the discipline employed about your maid-servants, will be of the greatest service to you in gaining the goodwill of your husbands. “For with what measure ye mete,” He says, “it shall be measured unto you.” Set a bridle upon your mouth. If you are disciplined to bear bravely with a servant when she answers back, you will not be annoyed with the insolence of an equal, and in being above annoyance, wilt have attained to the highest philosophy. But some there are who add even oaths, but there is nothing more shocking than a woman so enraged. But what again, you will say, if she dress gaily? Why then, forbid this; you have my consent; but check it by first beginning with yourself, not so much by fear as by example. Be in everything yourself a perfect pattern.
Source: Homilies on Ephesians (New Advent)