1 Corinthians 16:24
6 Draw near to him whom I speak of, as dwelling with a virgin, and speak some small praise of your brother, making it up from the other excellencies which he has. And foment him with your commendations as it were with warm water, and so mitigate the tumor of his wound. Speak of yourself also as wretched; accuse the common race of mankind; point out that we are all in sins; ask for pardon, saying, that you are undertaking things too great for you, but love persuades you to dare all things. Then in giving your advice, do it not imperiously, but in a brotherly way. And when by all these means you have reduced the swelling and soothed the pain arising from the cutting reproof which is in store for him, and when you have again and again deprecated and besought him not to be angry: when you have bound him down with these things, then use the knife; neither pressing the matter too close, nor yet undoing it; that he may neither fly off on the one hand, nor on the other think little of it. For if you strike not to the quick you have done no good, and if your blow be violent, you make him start away.
Wherefore, even after all this, being on the very point of the reproof, mix up again commendation with your censures. And seeing that this proceeding considered in itself cannot be matter of praise, (for it is not commendable to keep house with a damsel that is a virgin;) let the purpose of him who does so be your topic for effecting this; and say, “I know indeed that you do it for God's sake, and that the desolation and unprotected state of that poor woman met your eye, and caused you to stretch out your hand to her.” And although he may not be doing it with this intention, do thou speak so; and after this add what follows also; again excusing yourself and saying, “These things I speak not to direct but to remind you. You do it for God's sake; I too know that. But let us see whether another evil be not produced thereby. And if there be none, keep her in your house, and cling to this excellent purpose. There is no one to hinder you. But if any mischief arise from hence exceeding the advantage, let us take care, I beseech you, lest while we are earnest to comfort one soul, we put a stumbling-block in the way of ten thousand.” And do not add immediately the punishments due to those who give offense, but take his own testimony also, saying, You have no need to learn these things from me: you yourself know, 'if any one offend one of these little ones,' how great a penalty is threatened. And thus, having sweetened your speech and smoothed down his wrath, apply the medicine of your correction. And should he again urge her forlorn condition, do not thou even so expose his pretence, but say to him, “Let nothing of this sort make you afraid: you will have an ample plea, the offense given to others: since not for indifference, but in care towards them, did you cease from this your purpose.”
And let the matter of your advice be brief, for there is no need of much teaching; but let the expressions of forbearance on the other hand be many and close upon one another. And continually have thou recourse to the topic of love; throwing into shade the painfulness of what you say, and giving him his full power, and saying, “This is what I for my part advise and recommend; but about taking the advice you are only judge: for I do not compel and force you, but submit the whole thing to your own discretion.”
If we so manage our reproof, we shall easily be able in correct those in error: even as what we now do is surely more like the conduct of wild beasts or irrational creatures than of men. For if any persons now perceive any one committing errors of this kind, with the person himself they do not at all confer, but themselves, like silly old women who have drunk too much, whisper with another. And the saying, “Get love for nothing, but do not get hatred for nothing,” has not here any place in their opinion. But, when they have a fancy to speak evil, they mind not being “hated for nothing,” rather I should say, “being punished;” since it is not hatred alone that is hereby produced, but also punishment. But when there is need of correction, they allege both this, and innumerable other pretexts. Whereas then would be the time to think of these things, when you speak evil, when you calumniate. I mean the saying, “Be not hated for nothing,” and “I can do nothing,” and “it is no care of mine.” But as things are, in the former case, you are vehemently and idly curious, and carest not for hatred and ills innumerable; but when you should be taking thought for the salvation of your brother, then it is your pleasure to be a sort of unofficious, inoffensive person. And yet from evil speaking arises hatred both on God's part and on men's; and this is no great care to you: but by giving advice privately, and reproofs of that kind, both he and God will be made your friends. And even should he hate you, God goes on loving you the rather on this account. Nay, in fact, not even so will he hate you, as when his hatred came from your evil speaking: but in that case he will avoid you as a foe and an enemy, whereas now he will consider you more venerable than any father. And if he apparently take it ill, inwardly and privately he will feel much obliged to you.
7. Bearing in mind these things therefore let us have a care of our own members, and not sharpen the tongue against one another, nor speak words “which may do hurt,” undermining the fame of our neighbor, and as in war and battle, giving and receiving blows. For what after all is the good of fasting or watching, when the tongue is drunken, and feasts itself at a table more unclean than of dog's flesh; when it is grown ravening after blood, and pours out filth, and makes the mouth a channel of a sewer, nay rather something more abominable than that? For that which proceeds from thence pollutes the body: but what comes from the tongue often suffocates the soul.
These things I say, not in anxiety about those who have an ill report falsely: for they are worthy even of crowns, when they bear what is said nobly; but in anxiety for you that so speak. For him that is evil reported of falsely, the Scriptures pronounce “blessed;” but the evil-speaker they expel from the holy Mysteries, nay even from the very precincts. For it is said, “Him that privily speaks against his neighbor, this man did I chase out.” And he says too that such a one is unworthy to read the sacred books. For, “Why,” says He, “do you declare My righteous laws, and takest My covenant in your mouth?” Then, annexing the cause He says “Thou sat and spoke against your brother.” And here indeed he does not distinctly add whether they be things true or false which he speaks. But elsewhere this too makes part of His prohibition: He implying, that even though thou speak truths, yet such things are not to be uttered by you. For, “Judge not,” says He, that you be not judged: since he too who spoke evil of the publican was condemned, although it was true which he laid to his neighbor's charge.
“What then,” you will say, “if any one be daring and polluted, must we not correct him? Must we not expose him?” We must both expose and correct: but in the way which I mentioned before. But if you do it upbraiding him, take heed lest your imitation of that Pharisee cause you to fall into his state. For no advantage accrues from hence; none to you who speakest, none to him who hears you, none to the person accused. But the latter, for his part, becomes more reckless: since as long as he is unobserved, he is sensible of shame; but as soon as he becomes manifest and notorious, he casts off the curb also which that feeling imposed on him.
And the hearer will in his turn be yet more injured. For whether he be conscious to himself of good deeds, he becomes puffed and swoln up with the accusation brought against another; or of faults, he then becomes more eager for iniquity.
Source: Homilies on First Corinthians (New Advent)