Hear this, you women, as many of you as are fond of wailing, as many as at times of mourning take the sorrow impatiently, that you act the part of heathens. But if to grieve for the departed is the part of heathens, then tell me whose part it is to beat one's self, and tear the cheeks? On what account do you lament, if you believe that he will rise again, that he has not perished, that the matter is but a slumber and a sleep? You say, On account of his society, his protection, his care of our affairs, and all his other services. When therefore you lose a child at an untimely age, who is not yet able to do anything, on what account do you lament? Why do you seek to recall him? He was displaying, you say, good hopes, and I was expecting that he would be my supporter. On this account I miss my husband, on this account my son, on this account I wail and lament, not disbelieving the Resurrection, but being left destitute of support, and having lost my protector, my companion, who shared with me in all things— my comforter. On this account I mourn. I know that he will rise again, but I cannot bear the intermediate separation. A multitude of troubles rushes in upon me. I am exposed to all who are willing to injure me. Those of my servants who formerly feared me now despise me, and trample upon me. If any one has been benefited, he has forgotten the benefit he received from him; if any one was ill-treated by the departed, to return the grudge against him, he lets loose his anger upon me. These things do not suffer me to bear my widowhood. It is for these things that I afflict myself, for these things I bewail.
How then shall we comfort such? What shall we say? How shall we banish their sorrow? In the first place I shall endeavor to convict them, that their wailing proceeds not from these things they say, but from an unreasonable passion. For if you mourn for these things, you ought always to mourn the departed. But if when a year has passed away, you forget him as if he had never been, you do not bewail the departed nor his protection. But you cannot endure the separation, nor the breaking off of your society? And what can they say, who even enter into second marriages? Sure enough! It is the former husbands that they long for. But let us not direct our discourse to them, but to those who preserve a kind affection towards the departed. Why do you lament your child? Why your husband? The former, because I had not enjoyed him, you say; the latter, because I expected that I should have enjoyed him longer. And this very thing, what want of faith does it argue, to suppose that your husband or your son constitutes your safety, and not God! How do you not think to provoke Him? For often on this account He takes them away, that you may not be so bound to them, so that it may withdraw your hopes from them. For God is jealous, and wills to be loved by us most of all things: and that, because He loves us exceedingly. For you know that this is the custom of those who love to distraction. They are excessively jealous, and would choose rather to throw away their life, than to be surpassed in esteem by any of their rival lovers. On this account also God has taken him because of these words.
For, tell me, on what account were there not in old times widowhoods, and untimely orphanhoods? Wherefore did He permit Abraham and Isaac to live a long time? Because even when he was living he preferred God before him. He said indeed, slay; and he slew him. Why did he bring Sarah to so great an age? Because, even while she was living, he listened to God rather than to her. For this reason God said to him, “Hear Sarah your wife.” No one then either from love to husband or wife, or on account of the protection of a child, provoked God to anger. But now because we are declining downwards, and have exceedingly fallen off, we men love our wives more than God, and we women honor our husbands more than God. It is on this account that He draws us even against our will to the love of Himself. Love not your husband more than God, and you shall not ever experience widowhood. Or rather, even if it should happen, you shall not have the feeling of it. Why? Because you have an immortal Protector who loves you better. If you love God more, mourn not: for He who is more beloved is immortal, and does not suffer you to feel the loss of him who is less beloved. This I will make manifest to you by an example. Tell me, if you have a husband, complying with you in all things, one that is respected, and that makes you honorable everywhere, and not to be despised, one respected among all, intelligent and wise, and loving you, thou being esteemed happy on his account, and in conjunction with him should you also bring forth a child, and then before it has arrived at the age of maturity, that child should depart; will you then feel the affliction? By no means. For he that is more beloved makes it disappear. And now if you love God more than your husband, assuredly He will not soon take him away. But even if He should take him, you will not be sensible of the affliction. For this reason the blessed Job felt no severe suffering, when he heard of the death of his children all at once, because he loved God more than them. And while He whom he loved was living, those things would not be able to afflict him.
What do you say, O woman? Your husband or your son was your protector? But does not your God spare you? Who gave you your very husband? Was it not He? And who made you? Was it not He? He surely who brought you out of nothing into being, and breathed into you a soul, and put in you a mind, and vouchsafed to favor you with the knowledge of Himself, and for your sake spared not His only-begotten Son, does not He spare you? And does your fellow-servant spare you? What wrath is due to these words! What of this kind have you had from your husband? You can not say anything. For if he has even done you any kindness, it was after he had received kindness, you having previously begun. But in the case of God no one can say any such thing. For it is not as having received any favors from us that God benefits us, but being incapable of want, from His goodness alone He does good to mankind. He has promised you a kingdom, He has given immortal life, glory, brotherhood, adoption. He has made you fellow-heir with His Only-Begotten. And do you after so great benefits remember your husband? What has he bestowed of this kind? He has made His sun to shine, He has given rain, He sustains you with yearly nourishment. Woe to us for our great ingratitude!
Source: Homilies on First Thessalonians (New Advent)