John 11:27
5 And so do thou weep, as if you were sending one on his way to another land. These things I say, not as giving a rule of action, but as condescending (to human infirmity). For if the dead man have been a sinner, and one who has in many things offended God, it behooves to weep (or rather not to weep only, since that is of no avail to him, but to do what one can to procure some comfort for him by almsgivings and offerings;) but it behooves also to rejoice at this, that his wickedness has been cut short.
If he have been righteous, it again behooves to be glad, that what is his is now placed in security, free from the uncertainty of the future; if young, that he has been quickly delivered from the common evils of life; if old, that he has departed after taking to satiety that which is held desirable. But you, neglecting to consider these things, incitest your hand-maidens to act as mourners, as if forsooth thou were honoring the dead, when it is an act of extreme dishonor. For honor to the dead is not wailings and lamentings, but hymns and psalmodies and an excellent life.
The good man when he departs, shall depart with angels, though no man be near his remains; but the corrupt, though he have a city to attend his funeral, shall be nothing profited. Will you honor him who is gone? Honor him in another way, by almsdeeds, by acts of beneficence and public service. What avail the many lamentations? And I have heard also another grievous thing, that many women attract lovers by their sad cries, acquiring by the fervor of their wailings a reputation for affection to their husbands.
O devilish purpose! O Satanic invention! How long are we but dust and ashes, how long but blood and flesh? Look we up to heaven, take we thought of spiritual things. How shall we be able to rebuke the heathen, how to exhort them, when we do such things? How shall we dispute with them concerning the Resurrection? How about the rest of heavenly wisdom? How shall we ourselves live without fear? Knowest not thou that of grief comes death? For grief darkening the seeing part of the soul not only hinders it from perceiving anything that it ought, but also works it great mischief.
In one way then we offend God, and advantage neither ourselves nor him who is gone; in the other we please God, and gain honor among men. If we sink not down ourselves, He will soon remove the remains of our despondency; if we are discontented, He permits us to be given up to grief. If we are thankful, we shall not despond. “But how,” says some one, “is it possible not to be grieved, when one has lost a son or daughter or wife?” I say not, “not to grieve,” but “not to do so immoderately.”
For if we consider that God has taken away, and that the husband or son which we had was mortal, we shall soon receive comfort. To be discontented is the act of those who seek for something higher than their nature. You were born man, and mortal; why then do you grieve that what is natural has come to pass? Grievest thou that you are nourished by eating? Seekest thou to live without this? Act thus also in the case of death, and being mortal seek not as yet for immortality. Once for all this thing has been appointed.
Grieve not therefore, nor play the mourner, but submit to laws laid on all alike. Grieve for your sins; this is good mourning, this is highest wisdom. Let us then mourn for this cause continually, that we may obtain the joy which is there, through the grace and lovingkindness of our Lord Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Source: Homilies on the Gospel of John (New Advent)